Are you ready to really tell your lover what you want to do to him or her, but you're scared you'll blush and ruin the whole thing? Why do you think telephones were invented? Yes, we all know that millions of telemarketing companies across the nation think they were invented just to interrupt you at dinnertime, but in reality telephones were designed to be an erotic tool! Imagine your lover sitting at his or her desk, in the middle of the day, counting down the hours until 5:00 pm. Instead, you call, and while you tell your lover what you're planning to do to him or her and where you're planning to touch them when they get home, your sweetie has to sit there pretending to care about his or her computer screen! Some tips for the perfect erotic phone call:

• Don't call right before lunch! Hunger pains and sexy talk sometimes don't mix well.
• Try describing, step by step, the sex you're fantasizing about having with him or her later.
• If you're really naughty, describe to your lover what you're doing to yourself while you talk to him or her on the phone (and we don't mean tell them about how you're cleaning the plaque off your teeth!)
• Turn off the TV or radio! Your lover will not find it sexy if Ricki Lake is talking in the background while you're describing what you want to do with your mouth. You should actually make sure any extraneous background sounds are gone, and no matter what you do, don't run the vacuum or cook a meal in the microwave while you're talking dirty on the phone! You want to build up a fantasy, not get your lover thinking that you're running around the house in sweatpants while cleaning the refrigerator.
• Don't make promises you're not going to keep! Don't tell your lover on the phone that you want to do something to him or her when you know you'll never actually want to do that! That's not fair, and called teasing!
• Finally, you'll talk sexier if you feel sexy. Put on some music or wear something that makes you feel good about yourself.