Flavored condoms and “cute” miniature chocolate boobies not included, certain edibles have been known to inspire actual sexual activity. With that in mind, the following is a list of the top rated aphrodisiacs.

1. Chocolate: Specifically the good kind that comes wrapped in pretty gold foil or is melted in fancy fondue pots. The Aztecs and Mayans were the first to recognize chocolate’s effects on the libido; payment for a night at the brothel often consisted of a handful of cocoa beans. Montezuma himself was known to drink sixty cups of chocolate a day to better service his harem of six hundred women. Dousing a Viagra in some melted Hershey’s should do the modern man just fine.
2. Asparagus: A beautiful phallic symbol influencing more than just the stench of your pee.
3. Coffee: Elixir of the eighty-hour-work-week gods has surprising benefits out of the office as well. Too tired to have some fun after a long day? Have another cup. Sounds kind of boring? Mix it up with a macchiato. Crazy. Remember, half the battle is just being awake.
4. Grapes: Not only a healthful snack when frozen (a serving suggestion solely enjoyed by the purposefully starving) grapes are also considered an orgiastic pleasure in their refrigerated state. The fruit’s mushy texture is believed to inspire sensual awakenings. Squishy, soggy grapes. Who would have thought?
5. Strawberries: Like grapes, strawberries have everything to do with texture. Plus, when combined with chocolate, hit the libido with a one-two punch. But be forewarned: red-stained teeth and lips infused with coagulated bits of chocolate can also knock out the libido with a one-two punch.
6. Honey: Honey’s aphrodisiac-like effects have been cited in everything from the Kama Sutra to the Bible. Even big famous types like Hippocrates recommended its gooey sweetness, no doubt motivating a few innocent orgies and a whole lot of itching. A good smear of Vagisil and you're good to go.
7. Oysters: The only item on this list inspired by Casanova himself! When closed, many find that the shells resemble male testes. Meanwhile, its insides have been likened to female vaginas. Though such labiatastic fare (yup, labia + fantastic = labiatastic) speaks for itself, oyster’s high zinc content, a key ingredient in the production of testosterone, is worth mentioning.
8. Avocado: Avocado’s libido-inspiring effects can also be traced back to the Mayans. Because of its almost unmistakable resemblance to the male testes, Mayan girls were forbidden to go outside when this fruit (not vegetable) was being picked. Never mind John Frieda’s new, avocado-infused shampoo line, pivotal for ensuring shiny, sex-worthy hair. Dry, damaged ends only work for asexuals.
9. Spirits: By that I mean any beverage with an alcohol content of ten percent or higher, which could mean three to four beers, depending on your brand of choice. When used correctly, alcohol can rid both you and your partner of sexual doubts, fears, and restraints. Too nervous to try out that new position you read about in last month’s Cosmo? How about a glass of Merlot. Just make sure to stop after a couple of glasses. For legal purposes.
10. Vanilla: The scent and flavor of vanilla is believed to increase lust in both men and women. According to the Australian Orchid Society, “Old Totonac lore has it that Xanat, the young daughter of the Mexican fertility goddess, loved a Totonac youth. Unable to marry him due to her divine nature, she transformed herself into a plant that would provide pleasure and happiness." An easier and way cooler idea: Jessica Simpson’s new line of edible body creams.