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Jack can't orgasm unless in control. Read his question and advice below:
This is a very helpful website you've designed, and I've browsed it for my
problem and found some possible help but nothing specific. My partner and
I have been together 6 years or so and our sex life is great. I actually don't
find anything wrong with it. However, I do have a problem having an orgasm
with her on top. It's not the sex
position, because actually it feels best that way,
but I can't seem to orgasm without taking control myself.
I seem to be unable to let go enough to actually orgasm unless I'm in
control somehow. Even when she's on top sometimes I can take control if that
makes any sense, but if I leave it to her I just can't orgasm. Often we orgasm
together and I always make sure she orgasms and typically I orgasm as well, just
after the fact (if not together). Honestly I think this is psychological and
resulting from learning how to masturbate at a young age. It would not be
a problem, but I know she really wants to make me cum. She tries not to
feel inadequate about it, but I'm afraid she does irrationally feel insecure
about it at times. We have started working on experimenting on how to fix
it and I wanted to ask for your sex advice. I notice you recommended some
creams and pills to another gentleman. Might those work for me? And is
there anything I can do to help me relax and stop thinking about it? That's
what seems to cause the problem more than anything else. Thanks, Jack
Abby from Abby's Sexual Health wrote:
I have a 100% perfect solution, but it will take a bit of self control on
your part. It will work though. Don't worry about pills and creams, you
won't need to spend any money to fix this.
Next time she is on top, just forget about trying to cum and just enjoy
yourself (This is where most advice stops like that's all it takes to get
past the mental part). Keep going and having fun until one of two things
occurs.
1. Eventually you orgasm and cool, problem solved.
or
2. You keep going and going until you lose your erection, pass out
from exhaustion, or just decide it isn't going to happen. Now here comes the
hard part. Don't change positions to one that that lets you be in control. Also,
don't finish yourself right then or after. Don't make yourself cum until next
time you have sex and she is on top. If you don't cum that time, do the
exact same thing. This may take a couple times before it works. Your body
needs the release and the longer it builds, the stronger the need will
become. At some point, your brain will get the idea that the only option is to
orgasm while you are not in control. It will happen. It will happen for
sure if you are strong enough to NOT take care of business another way. It won't
be long before your body has learned to orgasm this way.
Once you are able to do
it, it will remove that mental glitch that is what has been in the way this
whole time. Hope this helps! PS - Please let me know when it works and if
you learn anything along the way that might help our other readers!
—Abby
Jack's Following Email -
Thank you very much for your advice. I suppose part of me knew that was the
answer, but I did not want to have to do it until I got the advice from someone
who knew a bit more than I.
At any rate, it worked like a charm! Thank you very much. I was amazingly
surprised at how fast it worked. I actually had an orgasm on the second try! (Granted
with our schedules at the time we only were having sex about once or twice a
week. She has a day job and I rehearse at nights. We have a lady Hawke
relationship for about a month before every show that I am in). I think it was
partly the pent up sexual tension, but even more so the psychological edge of
not being able to orgasm until I did it that way. When backed into a corner I
simply just had to do it. I hope that sad explanation makes sense. At any rate,
sorry for the late reply, but I wanted to make sure it was not a fluke. It was
not. I think that way works almost as well now (although it takes a bit longer)
and it feels even better. Her confidence is at what it should really be now. And, I
have to admit, it is nice to not have to do much on the rare occasion that I'm
just disgustingly beat.
Success all around. Please give this advice to any
other male who plunders your way with a similar problem. Again, Thank you so
much!
If you can't orgasm unless you're in control, read Jack's above emails and Abby's
sex advice that helped him learn to orgasm when not in control.
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