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Sex the First Time - Prepare for Sex Question and Sex Advice
Sexual Intercourse Advice |
OK. I am a virgin and I want to prepare for my first time. I have tried different
female masturbation techniques to try to stretch myself out because the guy I'm dating right now is really special to me and I love him a lot. I think we might have sex. I don't want to have to tell him to stop because of pain. Is there anything particular you suggest? And also, this may seem dumb, but how do I know when I'm having an orgasm? Thanks.
- Clueless
You are no more clueless than EVERYBODY is their first time. The most important issue is that you are afraid to tell him if something hurts. That's just plain silly. Even experienced lovers find sex uncomfortable sometimes. You can be with the same partner for years and yet sometimes it will just hurt due to a bad angle, lack of lubrication, UTI, sore muscles, rushing into it, tilted cervix, a rash, razor burn, lying on a hard surface, knees on a hard surface, pinched skin, sensitive nipples ... ok, you get the idea.
Communication is incredibly important to having good sexual experiences. His job during your first time is to simply listen to what you say and to be aware how his actions are affecting you. He needs to put his ego aside and let you "correct" him along the way. If you don't tell him when something hurts, expect him to continue doing it that way. Just take it slow and don't stop communicating.
As for orgasms: God, I hate the answer I'm about to give so much that I promise to explore the issue and will soon devote an entire section of my site to it. However ...
When you have one you'll know. Another answer is that you will feel a gradual building of intensity followed by an explosive release. The problem is that if you've never had an orgasm then you will still have a hard time understanding exactly what that means. Just trust me, you'll know.
By the way, if you haven't experienced an orgasm yet (and it sounds like you
haven't), then don't put too much pressure on yourself to have one during the
first time with your special guy. It might happen and it might not—either one is
normal. However it's probably more common not to have one. It often takes women
a little practice to learn how to orgasm, and the pressure of the first time can
make it difficult. Just focus on communicating with your partner, make sure you
both enjoy the experience, and it should be plenty of fun and enough preparation
for a good first time experience.
—Abby
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